There are some days when it feels like my body is struggling to keep up with me. I don’t trust it. I don’t like that it aches and sighs still. I want to yell at it that I have given it everything needs these last few months to be normal and heal, what more can… Continue reading Body Signals Lost
This week was the Anniversary of my Aunts death. It’s always a hard week…remembering her, remembering how we all began to fracture after she was gone. You see she was the other side of my Mum and without her the balance of our family was thrown off. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder what would… Continue reading Anniversary
I want to talk to you about Relapse today…don’t panic though it’s not because I am in the midst of one, although I still don’t know how I define where I am in the scheme of my Eating Disorder. Relapse is one of those things that scares me more than I like to admit. When… Continue reading Relapse
For the last few weeks it feels like all I have done is come to this space and complain. I think I may have lost sight of why I created this blog, what I was hoping to achieve and through that I have also lost my own reasons for recovery. I have allowed myself to… Continue reading Live or Die?
It has been crossing my mind lately to let go of my anonymity on here. It feels like I am having to censor myself to some degree because I don’t want to be stumbled upon by someone who might know me and yet it doesn’t feel true to me, hiding this way. There are some… Continue reading Doubting It
I have been so distant lately. Here…in my life…in my treatment. It’s like there is this glass barrier blocking me but I don’t know what it’s about. I don’t know why I don’t have the power to smash it to pieces and get it out of my way. All I know is that it makes… Continue reading Little Body Rant
I did something stupid this morning and weighed myself. It shouldn’t matter what the number says but it did and it hurt. Automatically the Anorexic voice started to kick in and it was like it had me pinned in a moment where all I could feel was how much I hated myself and that I… Continue reading A truth rather than idea