Every bite cannot continue to be a war. Every meal cannot continue to be the end of the world. I am too exhausted for it to carry on like that. I keep wondering when will the self hate and guilt stop? When will I stop feeling like every time I sit down at the dinner… Continue reading All In
This morning I scribbled a note on my hand in the hope that it would remind me that despite how difficult things may be right now, I still have to keep going. It reads “Stop letting you mind win” because that’s what happens when it gets to those moments during a meal time. My mind… Continue reading Note to Self
Increase week is just plain horrible. I can’t dress it up to be anything better because it’s not. I feel kind of broken by todays and know that it’s going to get harder as the week goes on. I should explain how it works…Each day we choose one of our meals or snacks and the… Continue reading Increase Week
Today has been better. Today I did not cry or hide away in my room trapped in my head expecting the earth to stop spinning. I am trying to figure out how to use my voice rather than sitting in silence. I’ve been quiet for so long in my actual life that it is hard… Continue reading Just luck
For most of the day I’ve been trying to figure out why food makes me so upset. What is it about it that makes me want to turn myself inside out or run away? At what point does something so seemingly innocent required in order to sustain life become seen as something set out to… Continue reading What’s upsetting about food?
Emotions are exhausting! Who knew you could have so many of them and that you could experience them all in the space of one day? Each day I go from feeling OK and quite determined to bouncing off the walls with anxiety, to hysterical tears and anger to heart-break and sorrow. Lets just say that… Continue reading Which way is up?
I cannot believe how much I have been letting my own mind get in my way this week. I thought it was stronger, that above everything else I would have the determination to face it head on and not back down. Yet that it is what I have been doing at every challenge that I… Continue reading This is who I am – Day 7