Tonight I am noticing how incompatible it is to have a normal life and live with an Eating Disorder. A few weeks ago my Mum asked me if I would come and stay at my aunts house when my other aunt came to stay. At the time it seemed like something that would be ok, hell…it might even be quite nice. So I’m here at my aunts house in one part of the country with my mum, sister and aunt from another part of the country. We’ve been here a couple of hours now and I’m struggling to engage socially. My words seeem to have dried up. Any stories that I thought I had to share no longer exist. Silence is descending quickly. As far as foods concerned thats the biggest thing that’s isolating me right now. When we got here I had a sandwich for dinner as my family were getting a Chinese takeaway. Their food has just arrived. I’m sat in the living room section whilst everyone else is in the dining room part. They are sharing a meal in terms of the food and conversation. I feel like such an outsider. What am I even doing here? Honestly I just want to cry right now. I feel sick from my inadequate intake but the hardest thing is how alone I feel. I miss the ability to feel like a part of my family and that is what the Anorexia is taking from me.
Because thats all Anorexia will ever do…take and take, way beyond the point of nothing.
I hope your day has been good to you.