Eating Disorder Recovery

Outsider

Tonight I am noticing how incompatible it is to have a normal life and live with an Eating Disorder.  A few weeks ago my Mum asked me if I would come and stay at my aunts house when my other aunt came to stay. At the time it seemed like something that would be ok, hell…it might even be quite nice. So I’m here at my aunts house in one part of the country with my mum, sister and aunt from another part of the country.  We’ve been here a couple of hours now and I’m struggling to engage socially. My words seeem to have dried up. Any stories that I thought I had to share no longer exist. Silence is descending quickly.  As far as foods concerned thats the biggest thing that’s isolating me right  now. When we got here I had a sandwich for dinner as my family were getting a Chinese takeaway. Their food has just arrived. I’m sat in the living room section whilst everyone else is in the dining room part. They are sharing a meal in terms of the food and conversation.  I feel like such an outsider.  What am I even doing here? Honestly I just want to cry right now. I feel sick from my inadequate intake but the hardest thing is how alone I feel. I miss the ability to feel like a part of my family and that is what the Anorexia is taking from me.

Because thats all Anorexia will ever do…take and take, way beyond the point of nothing. 

I hope your day has been good to you.

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5 thoughts on “Outsider

  1. It may seem scary but the best thing you could do is grab a plate, or grab a drink, and sit in the group with all your family. Ed wants you to be lonley, show him you don’t. Even though it may be hard, I guarantee their conversation will be nicer than what ed is telling you right now. Sending lots of strength and love xx

  2. I’m sorry you’re having a such a tough time, and although I can’t, I do wish I could offer some wise words of advice. I hope you’ll be able to enjoy your time at your aunt’s house i some way. I’m sure everyone would love to have you partake in conversations if you’re feeling strong enough to do so!

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