Anorexia is heartless. When will we stop believing that it could ever be anything more than that? When will we stop expecting for it to be more? It never offered you a promise and it was never supposed to be a solution. Yet we made ourselves trust that it did and that it would. Can… Continue reading Anorexia is a Child
I had one of those mornings this morning where I let the scale reduce me. It turned me cold inside seeing that number go up and not being able to figure out why. Instead of taking it though my brain rushed to figure out how I could I make it go back. Logically that is… Continue reading Scales still run the show
I have been thinking a lot about life today, about how strange it can be, how when things end there are things that are still yet to begin. I’ve also been thinking about things that I want that I’ve never let myself really think about before. Firstly let me start with last night. Clearly I… Continue reading Old Goodbyes and New Beginnings
Tonight I am noticing how incompatible it is to have a normal life and live with an Eating Disorder. A few weeks ago my Mum asked me if I would come and stay at my aunts house when my other aunt came to stay. At the time it seemed like something that would be ok,… Continue reading Outsider
It stuck. That stupid thought from the beginning of the week has stayed in my head and I cannot seem to shake it. Even though I don’t want it, there is something that keeps me attached to it. I’m running out of the belief that things will ever get better. I don’t know what’s going… Continue reading No answers here
I’m ashamed to write that I have been letting Anorexia get into my head…more so than usual these last couple of days. I have retreated from the people around me. Gone quiet and insular. I had this thought of ‘what if I just stopped trying?’ and somehow that thought became me letting go of fighting… Continue reading A stupid thought
I did a challenge today that I have been trying to do for months! Sure I could think of all the ways that I made it fit the Anorexia and how I made it safe, but I still did it. I keep thinking that maybe even when I feel like I have nothing left to… Continue reading Don’t excuse not trying.