I’m tired today. Tired of being angry and sick. Tired of fighting battles which I don’t want to fight. I’m tired of smiling in the right places or trying to be optimistic. I’m tired of burying my hurt under layers of crap. I’m tired of saying I’m tired.
I don’t want to do this. I don’t want to hate myself. I don’t want to listen to the voices that tell me that I’m a piece of crap. I don’t want to be this person anymore.
Work was stressful today. In group I lost my words, got light-headed, rambled a little bit. Forced myself to smile. To not be weak. I don’t know why I do that…it’s not as though they can’t see straight through me.
Ending the day with a long commute and back at the parents has really not been a good end to the day. The questions, the wanting to know what is wrong with me or why I’m quiet and then the noise and shouting voices on the phone. I need space.
I want to go home and yet my home doesn’t exist anymore.
I’m having a bad day and instead of allowing that to just be it…all I can think is that I’m fat and if I wasn’t fat then it would all be ok. Stupid Anorexic logic!
I hope your day has been better for you.