Tonight I got a little reminder from a friend that although there are a lot of things that I can’t control right now, such as being afraid and anxious, I can control how I let it impact my actions. I can decide whether or not it’s going to be another reason to let the eating disorder hold on and I can decide whether or not I let it stop me from getting my work done. So even though I have been feeling pretty powerless environmentally wise, I am powerful in so many other ways. I don’t have to let the eating disorder win every time because that threat is coming from within and the only person doing the damage is me. I can deal with that. I can reign that in and put measures in place in order to make myself stronger and safe. It is a choice now. I cannot use the excuse that I am blinded to how deadly this disorder can be because I’m not…I’m fully aware of how much it hurts me internally every time I restrict and how with each passing day it makes me weaker and more vulnerable. I am so bone tired of living that way and it suddenly seems like a ridiculous waste of time. I wonder if I can make those thoughts last when it comes down to facing a challenge. I hope so.
Be good to yourselves