Ever have one of those days when your thoughts are raging and then someone else says something to confirm the negative thoughts you are thinking? Well, I had one of those mornings. I wasn’t happy when I got up, the scales made me feel worse and then the mirror kind of pissed me off. A… Continue reading Return of the triggering CPN
It feels good to be back home, to have the quietness and calmness around me rather than the noise of my parents house. I don’t like spending time there and by 4pm yesterday afternoon all I could think was that I just wanted to leave. I’d forgotten how hard it is for me to constantly… Continue reading It’s good to be home
I keep thinking I need to do something drastic in order to get myself out of this mind frame. Waiting it out, having patience with myself and taking baby steps are things that are not working for me. It’s allowing me to remain stuck. Every time I get up the courage to challenge something I… Continue reading These are my thoughts today.
I am always disappointed when my day is unproductive and I feel guilty when it seems like I am not achieving something. The day had promise and unlike yesterday when I decided to climb back into my pyjamas after lunch because I got the idea that I was too fat to leave the house in… Continue reading It isn’t a lifestyle
It does get better you know? Despite the struggles that I write about, it is better. I know because when I see myself slipping I am reminded of how horrible my existence once was and it makes me thankful that I began the process of climbing my way out of the chaos of this disorder.… Continue reading It is better
Grief is a strange thing. It is something that once it sweeps into your life and takes up residence in your shell-shocked family, it never really leaves again. In the beginning it is everything. You wake up to your loss sitting on the end of your bed, the presence and reminder so powerful that you… Continue reading Grief
This week I had to make a choice a between doing what I usually do or doing something different. I decided that it was time to try the latter. I came to see that I’m not ok with being a passive participant in the unravelling of my life anymore. I won’t! I have worked too… Continue reading Do it differently this time