My Mother called my eating disorder determination today. What will it take to make her understand that this is not something I chose and starving myself is not a strength? It is not something to be idealised or glamorized or used as motivation to fuel a diet or a weight loss plan. This is my life that almost went up in smoke because of that supposed ‘determination’, it was the thing that broke me and nearly killed me. It is the thing that made me want to kill myself. It is not a game, nor a joke. I think I am getting beyond trying to make them understand. My mother will always see Anorexia as will-power, as having the ability to shut out all bodily desires and achieve weight loss, and they will continue to make jokes about how I once refused to eat anything other than lettuce and tinned carrots. I’m sorry but I do not see anything amusing about that whole time of my life or way of being. It shouldn’t hurt…but it still kind of does.