Time and time again I am astounded how quickly things can change and the speed at which I can change. It happened yesterday, a gap slipped into my day and created a bridge from feeling as though I would never smile again to feeling pretty on top of the world. I had gotten stuck in… Continue reading Flight of emotions
Ever since the day I sat in my therapists office and admitted to needing more help because I didn’t know how to move forward; my motivation to beat this disorder has been pretty impressive. I have sustained the want to stay on top of my meal plan for over two weeks and I thought I… Continue reading No! Thoughts go away.
For some reason today I am feeling ridiculously anxious and I’m not sure why. It seems to have come from nowhere and it holds itself coiled round my neck making it hard to breathe and sending spasms through my muscles. It scares me, not the thing I am supposedly anxious about but the response that… Continue reading Anxiety.
Things are looking a little better today, I can stand without feeling as though I’m falling and my head doesn’t feel like it’s about to implode so I’m taking that as a hopeful sign that I will be back to full working order by Monday in time for the craziness that my weeks tend to… Continue reading I feel like this is progress
It continues on… I really thought I would be feeling a little bit better today but I’m not at all. Things feel worse, the headaches are more intense, my face feels like it’s straining under some throbbing pressure that travel all the way down the sides of my neck. I’m not sure if I’m going… Continue reading Still under the weather
Being upbeat and positive these last couple of days has been a little bit of a challenge. Just when I thought I had the right frame of mind in place for fighting the crappiness that is Anorexia, my body decides that it doesn’t want to play so nice anymore, and whilst I can’t blame it… Continue reading Under the weather
The time has come when I no longer want to crawl back into that hole of anorexia. I am tired of believing all the lies I tell myself and listening to the voice that whispers it will make everything else better, that in that space I will find that I am safe. Even though I… Continue reading Rage against it!
Lately I’ve been thinking about all the things I don’t or can’t say and the things that swirl around in my head, burning me to the bone before they begin to trip over themselves causing me to mutter and stumble until it becomes easier to retreat into silence. It seems to be that all that… Continue reading Some things I don’t say
Repeatedly I have come back to this blank page with the hope that all the thoughts that are tripping me up in my head can be let out and provide some sense of relief or release, yet for an unknown reason that hasn’t been happening so easily. It seems as though everything goes up in… Continue reading Body wars
It was on a Sunday about a year and a half ago when I turned to my Mother and told her that by the time I was 25 I was going to be back at University and recovered from my eating disorder. I got halfway there. Today I’m 25 and although I’m back in School… Continue reading Half a goal met.