Eating Disorder Recovery

No tears today.

Morning,
Guess who didn’t wake up crying this morning? Yep, me! My mood has drifted in to a space that is reasonably alright. To tell you that I am relieved is an understatement. I’ve been letting my thoughts get away from me the last couple of days. Going to places in my mind that make me want to run back and hide in that false sense of safety of restriction. It’s not been a pretty scene, in truth all I have been is downright hostile and angry. I don’t like it when I get like that, when the only answer I can have for comment or concern is sarcasm. It’s not that it’s intentional, but there seems to be this need to protect myself which focuses on isolating and driving people away, and out of my space.

What this last set of bad days has re-enforced though is that I can not trust my own judgement about my body. That the worse I feel, the more my body image becomes distorted, as does my belief structure and ability to keep a hold on my rational thoughts. Also, I have to acknowledge that I got through these bad days without losing the plot entirely, without damaging myself and ‘it’ for the worst part has passed. Should it come again (it probably will) that shall also pass. There are few things in this world that are forever. Mood is not one.
Hope the day is good to you xx

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