Eating Disorder Recovery

Thinking out loud.

Why do people make their eating disorders about other people? As though they are looking for someone to prove something to.

I see pictures with the caption of “Make them regret the day they ever  called you fat”

Who are you trying to make regret? The people who will move on with their lives, have families and children whilst you are still trapped in that moment. You are ruining your life, not theirs. It’s you that has to sit there, curled up on the couch, wrapped in a blanket in the middle of summer because your body is shutting down. It is you trapped in your own misery, on your own because you’ve shut everyone out.

Someone else said something to me last night, that they have to prove people wrong. That they can still do everything despite people saying they couldn’t, such as going for run. What is gained by proving them wrong? Nothing! They will have let it go whilst you are trying to figure out for the next week if your heart is going to stop while you are sleeping, It’s not about them. It’s not about hanging on to something in the hope that it makes you seem stronger or whatever rational you want to use. It’s about you. It’s always been about you, and somehow you have to figure out how you are going to make peace with yourself, with the world and your body.

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3 thoughts on “Thinking out loud.

  1. Those setting out to prove people wrong are still sick. They are holding resentments that only harm themselves, and having to prove someone wrong really just goes to show how insecure the person still is. It also has a lot to do with ego, although not in the conceited sense. I feel those who have the “I’ll show you” attitude really just want validation, which in the end, is really all about them.

  2. I’m not in any doubt that they are unwell. I just wish they could see that searching for validation this way never really gets you the right validation, only a harmful kind that is based on the ability to lose weight. It saddens me, everyday this illness breaks my heart and I see people invest in a belief and I know that whatever their searching for in it, whether that be safety or happiness it’s the last place they’ll find it.

  3. I’ve seen (and, admittedly, felt) this kind of vengeful “I’ll show you” expression before. To me, it almost seems like a “you’ll be sorry when I’m dead” sort of thing. Nearly suicidal. It scared me shitless, and still does today.

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