Throughout this stay as an inpatient I’ve mainly talked about the emotional and mental changes that I have been experiencing. I haven’t really talked about the physical side and what that has been like but I think it’s important that I do because it is such a huge chunk of what it means to enter recovery in the beginning. Personally when I came in I was malnourished, underweight and generally my health was at risk. For months I had been struggling with palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, cramping, aches and pains that refused to ease. It felt like my whole body was letting me know how unhappy my body was with how hard I was making it work on not very much.
When I came in I met with the duty doctor that evening. We went through a lot of questions in regards to every aspect of my life and then she began the process of physically making sure that in that moment I was doing ok. She took my bloods, BP, Pulse, Temp, and an ECG reading. She tested my reflects, moved my joints, listened to my heart and my lungs. She prodded and poked until we ran out of time. That night I received an array of medications to give my body what I had not been able to and also prevent the risk of me developing refeeding syndrome.
In the first few days I was dizzy a lot.
My muscles felt like they were being stretched and cramping (mainly in my legs).
A headache was never that far away.
I was exhausted and wired at the same time.
The bloating made me swell to what felt like double my size, particularly on my stomach.
There was the heartburn and indigestion.
The slowed digestion.
Sudden changes in temperature.
Most of the time my body just felt weird. There were sensations pretty much all the time but I could never quite find the right way to describe them other than an oddness to how things were running.
It’s not over 5 and a half weeks in and things are improving for me physically but there are still things that are going on which I imagine will be working going on for a while.
My hormones are all completely out of whack and am somewhere at the stage of where you start to go through puberty again. It isn’t a fun phase.
I’m still pretty much bloated all the time.
I still get cramps on and off throughout the day.
There are times when those odd sensations flare up.
The actual pain though has started to lessen and my digestive system is beginning to pick up its pace and work a little more efficiently. It still struggles but it’s going to do when I think of all the years worth of crap that I’ve put it through.
Randomly in the day after lunch I get extremely tired and sleepy but am unable to nap. This is often accompanied by a spot of dizziness.
At some point this will again change and get better.
I’m still waiting for my bone density results and they are making me a little bit anxious. I know the last time I had lower density in my spine but I was told once I weight restored then it would naturally heal itself. I never fully weight restored. Yesterday I did have a conversation with my consultant psychiatrist though (lovely man) and he told me that whatever they do show, I am already on the treatment plan to repair it because increasing the density comes from having an adequate diet, gaining weight and the reappearance of the menstrual cycle.
I have been lucky. After all that I have done, everything is or seems to be reversible at the moment. I have the opportunity to finally experience what it means to be in a healthy body and I don’t think that has been the case since I was a kid. I admit that it’s scary because of the weight factor but if I can just take a little of the focus off of that then maybe I can begin to appreciate what it means to have the energy to live my life.
I hope your day is kind to you.